So, today was the day I was scheduled to have my Nerve Conduction Velocity test on my feet. As you may remember from this recent series of weepy posts, I’ve been having escalating problems, punctuated by stiffness and numbness. Should you care, you can go back and read those posts, but in a nutshell, my podiatrist – Dr. Doolittle (not his actual name) – was having a hard time determining whether my problem was Morton’s Neuroma (basically an inflamed tumor on a nerve) or whether it was peripheral neuropathy (an irreversible condition that basically can only get worse and spread). Obviously, I’m hoping for the former and not the latter. I was told that an NCV test should clear up that mystery, so he went ahead and gave me an order for one.
The new problem, however, is that NCV tests come conjoined with EMG tests, which are electromyography examinations that measure electrical activity in a muscle’s response to a nerve’s stimulation. This is achieved via sticking big, fuckoff needles directly into those muscles which, Doolittle informed me, is usually “quite painful.” With that in mind, he wrote directly on the order to “only perform the NCV test,” sparing me the big, fuckoff needle portion. I appreciated that.
So, after Doolittle gave me that order, I wasn’t able to schedule an appointment for my NCV/EMG (without the EMG) for about three weeks. Over the course of those three weeks, meanwhile, my feet continued to be stiff, sore and numb. It’s usually worse in the mornings, for some reason, but the problem does not seem to follow a discernible pattern. The worrying numbness persists, in any case, so I was greatly looking forward to making some progress and determining what, exactly the problem was.
Today, after carving out some time from my workday (already not ideal), I limped across town to the podiatry building (same spot as Doolittle’s office) to have the velocity of my nerves conducted. I walked in, however, and the specialist assigned with handling the task brusquely said it couldn’t be done. Having only the NCV part of it wasn’t an option. It's a package deal. Special orders do upset us. If he were to even try doing only half, there was somehow a chance my insurance wouldn’t cover it and, if I understood him right, he might not get paid for it. That sounded a little farfetched, but I just reiterated that I was simply following the directive from Dr. Doolittle who – oh so conveniently – was not in the office. The specialist was getting all attitudinal about it, so I just said, “Look, I have another appointment with Doolittle in two weeks, so let’s just hold off until then, and we’ll take it from there.”
I made sure I wasn’t charged for these shenanigans, and then went back to my office, where I was sadly able to attend a meeting that I’d been looking forward to missing.
That is the very frustrating latest.
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