Back in the sepia-toned days of 2015, when I was still “between jobs,” I killed off a large swathe of a long afternoon in a dismal coffee shop with free WiFi, banging out a post, inbetween firing off desperate emails to disinterested media outlets, about all the super-fabulous, quintessentially New York-y things I’d ever done. I closed with a stately list of equally celebrated NYC-things that I’d never actually done, despite being a lifelong native New Yorker. I called this post The New York Never List.
Four years later, I updated that list with another list of places and things conventionally considered essentially New York that I’d also never done.
Well, here we are, almost five years after that…..
Last weekend, I was sitting in the library of the fabled Gramercy Park club, The Players, following a nice dinner in their downstairs bar, The Grill. I should point out that I am not a member of this establishment, but my wife and I were there as guests of a couple who are. For those who might not know the place, The Players is a storied Manhattan institution, founded by Shakespearian actor Edwin Booth – older brother of Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth, don'tcha know – as a club for arts and the arts lover. Its membership includes thespians, musicians, writers, artists, and folks from all over the creative community. As such, the building – situated on the southern side of park, abutting the National Arts Club to its west – exudes a formidable aura and every room in the place seems veritably caked in history. I sat across a table from my friend Brian, and over the course of a couple of beers that I really don’t believe we were supposed to be consuming whilst in the stately library, we returned to this topic of places and things that are supposedly singularly New York, that we’d each experienced and a list of things we hadn’t. I rattled off several items from the posts cited above, and Brian countered with his own roster. In the wake of that conversation, it dawned on me that I was due for an update.
Since composing that last update in 2019, …
I have been to the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn. I was there to see my beolved Killing Joke open for the band Tool. The place is massive, antiseptic and largely devoid of any charm whatsoever – like an airport without planes.
I have walked around Hudson Yards and while I did not enter it, I have stood underneath the Vessel. Nothing about it is compelling to me.
I have been to the new Whitney Museum in the Meat Packing District. I went with my family during the latter stages of the Pandemic, and then again earlier this year to see the Hopper exhibit. It’s alright.
I have now finally eaten at a Momfuko. I can’t lie …. it was indeed delicious.
I have now shopped at Russ & Daughters on East Houston Street on the Lower East Side. I went to buy some chocolate babka for my family, and it’s indeed quite a place, although agoraphobes beware – it gets very crowded in there.
While I’m on the subject, I’d also like to point out that – in addition to the long list from the first post -- I’ve also wandered through the sepulchral gloom of “Sleep No More,” I’ve sampled the slices at Defarro’s Pizza in Midwood, I’ve bought fresh fish at Aqua Best in Chinatown, I’ve said rude words into the Whispering Gallery in the downstairs concourse at Grand Central, I’ve wandered around the grounds of the former Roosevelt Island smallpox hospital, I’ve replicated the cover of David Bowie’s The Lodger in the bathroom of a bar on Staten Island, I’ve uncomfortably watched strippers perform at Scores, Show World and the Baby Doll Lounge, I’ve had too many beers at the White Horse Tavern, gotten into an argument about Scottish pop music at Fraunces Tavern, unwittingly happened upon Alexander Hamilton’s grave in the Financial District, toured the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side, participated in a sing-a-long at fabled piano bar, Marie’s Crisis, watched a jazz combo noodle at Kettle of Fish, took a dispiriting stroll through the Freak Show on Coney Island, watched two drag queens fight with each other at Save the Robots, put quarters in the jukeboxes of Max Fish, the Mars Bars and Alcatraz, visited the miniature model of the city at the Queens Museum, admired the graffiti at 5 Pointz in Queens, strolled around the grounds of the World’s Fair in Flushing Meadows/Corona Park, felt deeply uncomfortable watching someone get a disarmingly emphatic handjob at the Cock in the East Village, and had my sneakers scrutinized at the Campbell Apartments.
Apart from those, however, I still haven’t ridden a Citibike, been to the 9/11 Museum, been to the top of World Trade Center 1, taken an open-door helicopter ride, attended a show at the Apollo Theatre, shopped at Zabar’s, dined at Sylvia’s, watched the ball drop in Times Square, partaken of high tea at the Russian Tea Room, rented a boat at the Central Park boathouse, gone to Elaine’s (which I believe is long-gone, anyway), attended the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City, been on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, stepped foot in the Dakota or Ansonia, stood online for Magnolia Cupcakes or ever perused the galleries at the Frick Museum.
Additionally, however, I have also never seen “Phantom of the Opera,” “Cats” or “Book of Mormon” on Broadway, never consumed the pasta at Rao’s, never visited the raw bar at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. on Times Square, never viewed the city from the deck of The Edge, never had a burger at Junior’s in Brooklyn, never been to the Little Island in Hudson River Park, never been to the Russian & Turkish Baths, and have absolutely never waited patiently for the alleged privilege of eating a cronut.
What about you?
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