I haven’t posted anything about Tinnitus in a little while, so thought I’d revisit for a quick update, although, ultimately, it’s not like I have anything new to relay in that department.
The ceaseless ringing in my right ear commenced one bright morning in October of 1999 (on the eve of my now very distant 32nd birthday), and has been a constant, cloyingly unwelcome companion ever since. When it first revealed itself — after years upon years of cumulative damage presumably brought on by irresponsible headphone-usage and continued exposure to amplification without protection — I plunged headlong into a pronounced depression, forsaking my steady diet of live music and routine ear-pod usage for a good two years, or so. During this fraught period, I sought the counsel of different ENT doctors and audiologists, experimented with a host of so-called homeopathic “remedies” (like the promisingly named “RingStop” ... as if) and allegedly effective combatants like Whey, Ginko Biloba and Lipo Flavonoid. I even tried a few nuttily ill-advised stunts like ear-candling and Chinese ear-picking. Honestly speaking, I regret to concede that none of the above ever did a single goddamn thing for it. The ring rang on.
I’m sure I was a complete barrel of laughs to be around, during those days, especially upon gleaning that, along with exposure to loud noise, allegedly a succession of otherwise largely banal elements like the intake of salt, sugar and alcohol could all potentially make the ringing worse. “Oh, that’s great,” I'd routinely express, “… everything that makes life worth living. They might as well add oxygen and sex to that list and really seal the deal.” I was histrionic about it at the best of times.
This all said, for the most part, I was getting off light. I only suffered from the ring in a single ear, while several musician friends of mine (and one who believes he contracted it from scuba diving) had it — and invariably still have it — in both. It could have been significantly worse, for me. Tinnitus has been widely reported to drive certain individuals to unthinkable ends. Like I said, comparatively speaking, I had it pretty easy.
In time, after all those purported treatments and supplements failed me, I just acclimated. I was never interested in any masking devices or white noise machines as I wasn’t intent on hiding the noise so much as DESTROYING it. But, then as now, despite some hopeful developments, there is no quick fix. Tinnitus has no cure.
While I’ve made my peace with it (and long-since re-entered the realms of attending live music and headphone-usage, albeit responsibly), it still comes with a hefty price. Just last night, the wife and I went to a live taping at Carnegie Hall of NPR’s news quiz-show, “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me!” (how’s THAT for punk rock?), and up in the balcony of that great room, I still had to cup the back of both of my ears to credibly discern anything from the stage. If I’m at a crowded function of a certain capacity, there invariably comes a point wherein I can’t hear a fucking thing anyone is saying and basically just resort to smiling and nodding. That part genuinely sucks.
When it comes to concerts and rock shows in grubby clubs, I usually fill my jacket pockets with angry fistfuls of ear-plugs ahead of time in preparation, although just a few weeks back, I went to go see LCD Soundsystem at Brooklyn Steel and forgot that precaution. Never considering LCD to be that kind of band, I figured I’d be okay, but lemme tell ya, when James Murphy & Co. hit the stage, it was loud — like fuckin’ SWANS loud. After just a couple of songs, I retreated to the rear bar, and even there it was pretty stentorian. I went right to the merch booth and bought a pair of earplugs for way more than they should’ve cost.
Incidentally, a quick word about ear-plugs: While, no, they don't look cool (who cares?), they actually do help you experience the music better by ostensibly filtering out all the noise and distortion. You actually hear what's being sonically conveyed in a clearer, more manageable way, I promise you.
In any case, I’m lucky in that while my hearing has certainly deteriorated a bit (aging does not help), the ringing has remained at a more-or-less tolerable level. It’s worse in the mornings and sometimes after a night of big imbibing, but nothing I’m not able to handle.
But, y’know, every person reacts differently. Recently, I came across testimonials from folks I personally really admire like Nick Cave (above) in his Red Hand Files (read that here) and Lol Tolhurst of the Cure and Budgie of the Banshees, who discussed in the most recent episode of their “Curious Creatures” podcast, in this instance interviewing comely Primal Scream bassist Simone Marie Butler. Hear that here.... if you can.
By the way, if anyone ever tells you you’re too old if it’s too loud, kick them squarely in the fucking balls.
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