53

Today, I turn the ignominious age of 53. It’s not a number I know what to do with. There are things I feel I should have accomplished by now that I haven’t, critical boxes that should have been checked by now that remain unchecked and practices I still partake in that I invariably shouldn’t. I am not pleased by any of these facts.

That all said, viewed through the prism of COVID-19-scarred 2020, I have absolutely no complaints. For the past eight months or so, I have been able to spend way more time with my children than normal circumstances would have ever allowed. As both kids are now firmly into their teens, they’re at an age that would traditionally have them scrambling away from the company of their parents with all stealth. This has been our silver lining.

The kids are both in school … kinda (hybridized in-person/remote learning models), the wife and I are both working, and everyone’s health has been a-okay thus far.

Again, no complaints.

Since it is my birthday, though, I am going to fill out this silly survey purloined from the bowels of the interweb…

My favorite food is: There are many, all depending on mood and circumstance, but I’ll go with a perennial favorite: Prime Rib.

My favorite sport is: I abhor professional sports with a white-hot vengeance, but I did enjoy pitching for the TIME Magazine Softball team for 12 years.

The best show on TV is: Right now, I’m quite enjoying “Ozark” and I want “Succession” to come back.

The coolest person in the world is: I’m the last person qualified to answer that.

My best subject in school is: Art.

I’m really awesome at: Abusing adverbs.

If I could change my name, it would be: … really confusing for all parties concerned.

My favorite color is: Purple.

When I grow up I want to be: …able to walk outside without having to wear a mask.

My parents are too strict about: I only have one left, these days, and she’s more “particular” than “strict.”

My favorite song is: “Eighties” by Killing Joke

My favorite book is: “Please Kill Me” by Legs McNeil & Gillian McCain

When we stop for a treat, I get this: Sausage McMuffin with Egg

4 words that describe me are: Opinionated. Laborious. Volatile. Insufferable.

When I was little, I used to: … be less tall.

My favorite scripture story is: The ones with Satan in them.

My favorite primary/church song is: “If It Was Broken, You’d Be Screaming” by the Happy Flowers.

My favorite game is: “Tomb Raider”

My favorite season is: I am not partial to only one.

The best snack ever is: …probably not good for me, at this stage.

My favorite superhero is: Ghost Rider

The food that makes me want to barf is: I am not fond of Feta cheese.

The car I would love to drive when I turn 16 is: I did not have a license at 16, I am ashamed to say.

My best friends are: … not fond of having their relationships subjected to hiearchy and quantification.

The cutest girl/boy I know is: My children Charlotte and Oliver.

The most memorable day this year was: March 12, the day we were dispatched to work from home.

If I had one wish it would be: To have stopped COVID-19 before it was ever unleashed on the world.

The best thing that has happened to me this year is: Spending an otherwise inordinate amount of time with my kids.

One thing I want to learn to do this year is: Achieve effective regime change and impose overdue justice on the clown car of evildoers that is the Trump Administration.

The thing that scares me the most is: Four more years of Trump.

One thing I need to work on is: Just one?

If I could go anywhere it would be: Until the virus is gone, I have no real desires to travel.

The most important lesson I’ve learned this year is: Too many of my fellow Americans are irretrievably stupid, stubborn and arrogant.

If I could meet one person from history it would be: I’d prefer to look to the future.