Spend any amount of time on Facebook, these days, and you’re sure to be buried in a veritable avalanche of lists, “challenges,” album covers, thoughtful (albeit unsolicited) rumination, movie posters and the like. These sorts of things have always made the rounds on the platform in question, but since the advent of the pandemic, they are now essentially inescapable. And, yes, they’re slavishly indulgent, trivial and probably largely ignored, but that’s not the point.
Sure, you can spend fifteen minutes reading someone’s deep dive about how and why Tago Mago by Can is the finest album to put on when your in-laws are over for dinner, but unless you’re of a very specific type, you’ll probably keep scrolling. Whomever composed that post won’t take it personally, either, because they probably wrote it more for themselves than anybody else. Yes, it’s a waste of time, but that is the point.
With so much time on our hands, there is a minuscule modicum comfort in this variant of time-wasting … it’s a welcome distraction from the travails of our current collective conundrum and a break from tireless barage of bad news. And if one’s ridiculously precious dissection of the finer points of, say, Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys resonates even fleetingly with like minds and a larger, communal discussion ensues, all the better. Who is anyone to begrudge another person’s silly predilections in this season of both literal and figurative division? Personally, I’d much rather read a sprawling tally of someone’s favorite horror movies than hear another slackwitted conspiracy theory.
Unsurprisingly, I have been entirely guilty of clogging up countless feeds with these things. My former colleague Conor, who I discussed here, spearheaded a series called the #HighFidelityChallenge, and I dove in headlong, composing endless lists of albums and songs specifically tailored to any number of frankly ridiculous scenarios. It’s been huge, meaningless fun (and I might re-purpose and post them here after a while, if things get dire enough, so consider yourself warned). Has anyone apart from a select hallelujah choir of friends paid any meaningful attention? Probably not. Hell, I’ve probably been roundly unfriended by droves over them, but whatever. I launched a wide-scale discussion earlier this week — endeavoring to settle a debate between myself and a former college classmate and fellow WDUB d.j. — about whether it was accurate to characterize the Charlatans’ 1990 single “The Only One I Know” as Britpop (it’s not). I’m dead sure that sent many scrambling for the “unfollow’ button.
Anyway, another slavish music geek friend of mine, Ned T., posted the below list today, and I thought I’d tackle it in one go. Feel free to stop reading here, should you be disinclined to learn what I might have to say about a robust section to meaningless questions about music.
Here we go…
#Alternative30SongChallenge
1. A Song to Wake Up To
During my junior year of college, I had an early morning radio show on Sunday mornings and a late show on Thursday nights. I never thought it was particularly prudent to to start the morning shows off with anything too volatile. I’d usually aim for something mellow and, ideally, uplifting for any early risers who were tuning in. I mean, sure, it would have been hilarious to kick off the day with, say, “L Dopa” by Big Black or “Stigmata” by Ministry (too big faves, at the time), but usually felt that would alienate more than it would recruit. As such a frequent first selection was “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush, which arrives gently.
2. A Song with Whistling in It
Not something I normally look for in my music, but there are exceptions. I’ll go with “Robert Mitchum” by Julian Cope.
3. A Song by a Band You Don’t Like
“The Way It Is” by Bruce Hornsby & The Range — Horrible shit, to my ears.
4. A Song with Bagpipes in It
This one took me a second, as I wrongly assumed “When the Tigers Broke Free” by Pink Floyd featured bagpipes (it doesn’t). Then I was going to pick something by Big Country, but those were just guitars that sounded like bagpipes. Then I remembered “Under the Milky Way” by The Church, which has a strenuously unlikely bagpipe solo right in the middle of the song. Boom, solved.
5. Favorite Song from Your Parents’ Music Collection
I’m going to go with “Mas Que Nada” by Sergio Mendes and Brazil `66, which my mom used to play quite regularly.
6. The Oldest Song You Can Think Of
I went to Catholic school, where we were routinely subjected to any number of somber hymns every morning, so I’m going to go with “O Sacred Head Surrounded” which comes with choice lines like ‘Death’s pallid hue comes o’er thee, the glow of life decays….”
7. A Song With a Fruit in the Title
Hmmmm. How about “Peaches” by The Stranglers
8. The Best Song for … you know … Smooching
This really depends on the person you’re smooching and the particular circumstances, but how about “Memories of Green” by Vangelis from the original score to “Blade Runner.”
9. The Best Song for Breaking Up
“When I Burn This Place Down” by Firewater, a gloriously celebratory kiss-off if ever was there one.
10. A Song They Always Played at Parties When You Were Growing Up
Hmmm. This depends on which stage of “growing up” we’re talking about. If we’re talking high school, it would probably be “Rock Box” by Run-DMC.
11. Your Favorite Bee Gees song (you know you’ve got one)
I have several, as I happen to know that the Bee Gees were fucking brilliant. I’d go with either “Lonely Days” or “Nights on Broadway.”
12. A Song from the First Album You Bought
“Love Her All I Can” by KISS off of Dressed to Kill
13. A Song From The Last Actual Physical Album You Bought
I never stopped buying physical albums. “Consequences” by Human Impact
14. Your Favorite Instrumental
I have several, but today I’ll go with “Waltzinblack” by The Stranglers
15. Your Favorite Band, Their Worst Song
“Stay One Jump Ahead” (Extended Mix) by Killing Joke. The “rap” bit was, is and ever shall be … unforgivable.
16. A Song Nile Rodgers Had Something To Do With
Nile Rodgers is a goddamn genius, so anything would really work here. I’ll go with “Original Sin” by INXS.
17. Your favorite No.1
Most of my favorite songs have never made it that far, but I’ll go with…”Tainted Love” by Soft Cell. I don’t think it made No.1 in the States, but that’s because most Americans are deathly stupid and have no fucking taste.
18. A Song That Changes Your Mood
It didn’t specify how, but I’ll go with “Rain” by The Cult, as it never fails to raise my spirits.
19. A Song That You Used to Like by God help me if I Ever Hear It Again…
Hmmm. Been a while since that’s been the case, but I’ll go with “Mi Gente” by J Balvin. It’s not really something I’d normally listen to, but I used to in a corporate video for my organization. At first I dug the insistent percussion, but after a while — it’s a bit like a car alarm.
20. A Song That You’re “Too Old” to Like
I’m old enough to decided that I’ll like whatever I choose to like, thanks very much.
21. Jazz!
What about it?
22. A Song You Can’t Understand Why Everyone Else Seems to Love
Way, way, way too many to name.
23. Something from a Soundtrack to Something
The entirety of Neil Young’s score to Jim Jarmusch’s “Dead Man.”
24. Let’s Do the Show Right Here!
I don’t know what this means.
25. A Religious Song You Didn’t Realize was Religious
The latter two albums by Talk Talk revealed primary songwriter Mark Hollis to be deeply spiritual, which I’m not sure I gleaned until well after the fact. “New Grass” even earnestly mentioned Christ by name.
26. A duet
J.G. “Foetus” Thirlwell and Lydia Lunch on “Serpentine”
27. “Play Something Country”
If I must … let it be “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash
28. A “comedy” record
That’s Not Funny, That’s Sick by National Lampoon.
29. A Song with a Place Name in the Title
“Detroit Rock City” by Kiss.
30. A Song to Go To Sleep To
I don’t generally do this, as it means whatever device is playing the song is going to remain on while I slumber. This is pointless and inefficient.
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