There’s an oft-circulated adage on the `Net that goes something like “Be Kind, for Everyone You Meet is Fighting Their Own Hard Battle You Know Nothing About.” Many have credited the quote to Plato, but there’s some speculation about that. Honestly, I’m not really that interested in its true provenance, as I think it’s really just a great, general truth, albeit one that’s sometimes hard to keep in mind.
Personally speaking, I find it all too simple to get completely embroiled in my own arguably complicated circumstances that I frequently neglect to consider that others may be wrestling with their own problems that are, at least, comparable or possibly far greater than my own.
Enter Conor Bezane.
I first met Conor Bezane during what I can only describe as my fleeting tenure as managing editor of MTV News Online at the organization's headquarters in the heart of Times Square. While that job title certainly sounded fairly impressive, I was really more of an adjunct editor to the editorial director who oversaw both the televised content and the content we posted on the accompanying website.
Sure, I literally managed -– or did my best to manage -– the many frantic tentacles of the digital operation, but the overall editorial strategy was largely determined by higher-ranking colleagues. That’s not a lament, but rather just a clarification. I only wish I’d done a better, more assertive job, as I may have held onto the gig a while longer, but --- instead -– I was laid off in the summer of 2007. This was not the last time such a thing would happen to me, alas, but welcome to New York City, folks … at some point, you’re going to lose your job.
Anyhoo, before that unfortunate fruition revealed itself, I met this kid Conor. Technically, Conor and I didn’t really work together, being that he was on the television side of proceedings, and I was more or less strictly on the digital end, but we attended the same meetings, worked on the same floor, rode the same elevators, etc. During the course of my year and a half at MTV News (see, I told you it was fleeting), Conor and I started talking about mutual favorite bands (although he’s a comparatively younger tyke) and we became friends.
From where I was sitting –- technically in a strangely dim, open space that led more than a few people to assume I was simply administrative support -– Conor appeared to have it all. He seemed like a smart, well-spoken producer with a head full of ideas and boundless, youthful enthusiasm. Sure, I thought -– and still think -– some of his favorite bands were crap, but hey -– I’m ultimately just a crotchedy old poop that wants you off his lawn, that’s my job. In all seriousness, to my mind, Conor was a cool, sharp kid with adventurous taste, obvious talent and ambition. He was also a kindred soul, to my mind -– very deeply enamored with the timeless mystique and emotionally galvanizing power of music as I was. He was going places, as far as I could tell.
The next thing I knew, in the early summer of 2007, during the course of some busy workday wherein I was trying to prize perilously late copy out of one of my petulant millennial contributors, my superior editor asked if I “had a minute to talk.” I said sure, and I walked into his office. The door closed behind me. That’s never good, kids.
In uproariously short order, I was let go. True to the organization's old motto, I did indeed hear it first. As I mentioned back on this ancient post, I was informed that I wasn’t getting fired, per se, but rather that the position itself was being "phased out." This kinda took the wind right out of my sails.
A day or so later, I remember packing up my stuff into a proverbial cardboard box (a box, I don’t believe, as of this posting, I have ever unpacked) and rode down the elevators for the last time. Goodbye MTV News Online.
As it happens, Conor was let go not too long after me. I ran into him on the street a couple of times after that, and we shared our mutual employment woes, and stayed in touch on social media. I believe we had a cup of coffee at a Dean & Deluca, at one point. But I always figured that since he was so young and ambitious, he’d bounce right back.
But, as I would later learn, that’s not quite what happened.
The ensuing years were way more complicated for Conor than I’d have ever predicted, finding him grappling with both a bipolar diagnosis and drink-&-drug dependency worthy of some of our mutually favorite punky luminaries. While I was moaning about having to make do with a permalance gig at an online portal that didn’t pay any meaningful benefits, Conor was exploring the depths of personal depravity by having become a full-blown addict, prone to smoking crack. Again, everyone you meet is fighting their own hard battle you know nothing about, so be fucking kind.
Now, you may well be thinking, where exactly do I get off speaking so blithely about my friend Conor’s deeply personal travails? Well, as it happens, Conor documented both his tumultuous fall from grace and his doggedly determined re-ascendance to sobriety and self-actualization in a new book, to be released this month.
As its title might suggest, “The Bipolar Addict” ain’t exactly “Eat, Pray, Love.” Penned with great style, wit and disarming candor, Conor’s memoir recounts some moments of unimaginable despair, made all the more jarring by the deceptively banal paths that led him to those circumstances.
For all of Conor's bright, young promise and best efforts, a chain reaction set off by an unfortunate series of events derailed him. The formidable challenges of dealing with manic depression paired with the quickly spiraling demands of being helplessly dependent on drugs and alcohol essentially shattered Conor’s world, leaving him at his lowest ebb, alienated from friends and family and without a job. His courageous story of recovery is nothing short of inspiring. I don't want to give anything away, but suffice to say, despite its harrowing lows, Conor's story has a positive ending.
Today, I'm happy to report that Conor is clean, sober, very active and vigilant in evangelizing his message of hope for people grappling with their own demons.
"The Bipolar Addict" comes out on June 21. Seek it out or click here to get yourself a copy. You can also get it on Amazon.
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