For my myriad sins, I was handed a particularly cruel task this morning. Y'see, there's a "family disco" happening at my kids' grade school next Friday night, and my wife just happens to be on the parents' committee. As such, she handed me a thickly-stuffed envelope this morning. "What's this?" I asked, still clutching my coffee. "These are song requests from the students," said the wife. "I need you to sort through them and compile them into a list to give to the d.j." Oh, grand.
I've been to a couple of these events before, and similar affairs like birthday parties for the friends of my kids, and I'm frequently bemused shocked at some of the music choices. As someone who probably takes music way too seriously and -- really, let's face it -- uses it as a measure of judgment against people, that shouldn't be entirely surprising. I remember being somewhat disconcerted at a party not too long back wherein "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga was blasting at Zepplinesque levels for a throng of hopped-up first graders. While, no, I actually don't mind Lady Gaga (or that song, at least), I'm not entirely sure that a lusty little ditty about a dysfunctional relationship is really the most appropriate song to score a 7-year-old's birthday party, but maybe I'm just a stuffy old poop. It was certainly great fun trying to explain to my daughter why Gaga kept screaming "I DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS" throughout the proceedings.
By the same token, I guess I prefer Lady Gaga over the dimming reign of Miley Cyrus (who, of course, spends her time these days being photographed wagging her tongue at cock-shaped cakes). I'm trying to remember what played at that parties I attended when I was in the lower levels of grade school. It was probably the contemporary pop music of the day as well, but suffice to say that there's now a lot of real estate between that day and this day.
In any case, I dutifully sat down at my computer and opened the envelope, removing and unfolding each little ballot. There were plenty of predictable choices like Katy Perry and Michael Jackson. While, yes, I bitterly loathe both of those acts, I can't say I was surprised to find either of them well represented. Encouragingly, Canadian teen irritant Justin Bieber got only a solitary request (that being "Never Say Never," which ... I'm assuming ... is not a cover of the Romeo Void single). I fired up YouTube to check out some of the selections I'd never heard of like "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People (not entirely objectionable), "Domino" by Jesse J (abject trash) and "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz (a lamentable dollop of shrill pop product that makes the Black Eyed Peas sound like friggin' Brian Wilson). This latter selection got a disarming amount of votes from the first grade.
There were more than a few requests that made me wince, notably "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO (requested by someone in pre-kindergarten). Granted, I'm an unapologetic rockist who pretty much despises this type of pop bullshit to begin with, but even if you're a genuine fan of this stuff -- do you really think it's meant for the sub-tween set?
There were a couple of surprises that didn't make me gag. I was bemused to find the Kinks' standard, "You Really Got Me" and Ace Frehley's "New York Groove" both get shout-outs. My wife sternly warned me not to creatively edit or augment the list in any way. So, as much as I might've wished to add something by Danzig, Killing Joke or Venom (hey ... if they're already requesting bump n' grind anthems like Rihanna, would a little bit of doomy occult-infused sturm und drang really make a difference?), I dutifully refrained. Had I been asked to deejay the event (I wasn't, although I have been recruited to tend the bar for the parents), you can bet the soundtrack would be strikingly different.
For the curious, here's the playlist so far...
"Domino" by Jesse J
"Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas
"Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
"Cotton Eye Joe"
"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO
"Dynamite" by Taio Cruz
"Beat It" by Michael Jackson
"The One that Got Away" by Katy Perry
"You Really Got Me" by the Kinks
"Moves like Jagger" by Maroon 5
"Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO
"We Found Love" by Rihanna
"Time Warp" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show
"Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People
"Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber
"Firework" by Katy Perry
"You Make Me Feel" by Cobra Starship
Florence + the Machine
"Hey Soul Sister" by Train
"We Will Rock You" by Queen
"New York Groove" by Ace Frehley
"Dancing Queen" by Abba
"Waterloo" by Abba
"Someone Like You" by Adele
"Don't Stop" by Gin Wigmore
"I Like to Move It" by Reel 2 Real
"Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker Jr.
"Thriller" by Michael Jackson
"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
"Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Ray
"Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" by Elton John & Kiki Dee
"Take a Chance on Me" by Abba
"YMCA" by the Village People
"Peaceful World" by John Mellencamp
"The Chicken Dance"
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