What is your idea of perfect happiness? The company of my gorgeous wife, my immediate family and my good friends, the sound of my children's laughter, my favorite music playing very loudly and a fridge full of Sapporo.
What is your greatest fear? Something happening to my family
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Lack of self-confidence
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Condescension
Which living person do you most admire? The urge to cite some ridiculous pop culture figure here like Iggy Pop or Jet Black of the Stranglers is almost overwhelming. There are scores of writers, artists and musicians who I profoundly admire and respect. In terms of people I actually know, I'd have to say that I find my father-in-law's propensity for kindness and generosity quite inspiring.
What is your greatest extravagance? Pricey import compact discs and expensive foreign beer.
What is your current state of mind? A heightened state of alert.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Chastity. "Moral wholesomeness" can warp the mind.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? The entirety of my head
What is the quality you most like in a man? Self-effacing humor
What is the quality you most like in a woman? An assertive wit.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Strenuously," "palpable," "stentorian wallop" and "fuck-a-duck"
What or who is the greatest love of your life? My incomparable wife Peggy, my children and KILLING JOKE.
When and where were you happiest? When I'm with Peggy
Which talent would you most like to have? It'd be amazing to be able to capably play a musical instrument.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Apart from an entirely different head, I'd love to disavow my nagging penchant for second-guessing and convincing myself that I'm not up to the task at hand. Oh, and I'd dearly love to never have to deal with allergies ever again.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? My marriage and my children.
Where would you most like to live? As much as I adore New York City, I'll have to leave at some point. I only hope that wherever we end up is a place where my children can run around and be happy in. And that there's free Wi-Fi.
What is your most treasured possession? I own lots of little ridiculous things like an autographed Ramones album and a original illustration by Danny Hellman of Iggy Pop & Cop Shoot Cop that mean way more to me than they probably should.
What is your favorite occupation? Writer
What is your most marked characteristic? I would hope it's my sense of humor, however macabre it may sometimes be. It's certainly not my good looks.
What do you most value in your friends? Loyalty, compassion, tolerance and a similarly inclined sense of humor.
Who are your favorite writers? Pete Hamill, Legs McNeil, Ray Bradbury, Mark Leyner, Nick Kent, Anthony Bourdain (don't laugh), David Sedaris, Sean Wilsey, J.D. Salinger, Michael Palin, Spalding Gray, Evelyn Waugh, Martin Amis
Who is your hero of fiction? "The Ghost Rider"
Who are your heroes in real life? Those who do what needs to be done without worrying about consequence, whining or making a big show of it.
What is it that you most dislike? The list is too long to cite here.
What is your greatest regret? Time wasted and opportunities squandered by a failure to act in an assertive manner.
How would you like to die? Ripped apart by famished Pterodactyls.
What is your motto? "I'd Agree With You, ... If You Were Right"
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