Venti Venting

Speaking from experience, I know first hand how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of a corporate downsizing. As such, I have nothing but sympathy for the thousands of workers currently employed by Starbucks who are about to lose their jobs. From what I've seen, they tend to be on the younger side as well. My heart genuinely goes out to them in this uncertain period.

That all said, don't ask me to feel bad about the gargantuan coffee conglomerate's current plight. As far as I'm concerned, it seems a bit like karmic retribution for their tireless campaign for marketplace ubiquity. The onslaught of Starbucks has also done more to homogenize my city (and, I'd suspect, practically every city in the free world) more than any other single element I can think of. At the moment, they're everywhere. A block away from my home, you can sit in one Starbucks, stare out its window and see another Starbucks barely a stone's throw away. It's ridiculous.

I'm not going to pretend I've never spent any time or money in a Starbucks. Frankly speaking, while I think their coffee is deplorably overrated (am I the only person who thinks that it always tastes a little burnt?), I'm certainly no stranger to the odd Frappacino. I'll certainly be able to survive without them, however. What I don't quite understand is the sudden outpouring of grief over the impending closings of 600 outlets. Recent articles in both Slate and AM New York (to name but two) spun weepy yarns by tearful regulars, earnestly lamenting the loss of their local branches.  Where was that grief when the genuinely local, independent coffee shops and diners saw their respective businesses dry up as a result of Starbucks' influx? To my fellow New Yorkers who are fretting about the closings, I suggest re-discovering your local Greek deli or bodega (if it hasn't already closed up shop) and giving them your money to satiate your precious java habit. They still need it more than Starbucks.

Yeah, I'm a bitter old poop, but what can I tell ya? I think another reason I hate Starbucks is because of their infiltration of the music market. While, yes, I'll applaud any shop that continues to sell compact discs in 2008 (an increasingly rarer situation), I bristle at Starbucks Entertainment's clumsy re-purposing , re-packaging and blandifying corporate sanitization of music I still hold vehemently dear. I spotted this dreadful product in the Starbucks in my office building recently and shuddered with contempt. I suppose I should support the campaign to keep this music available and out there, but something about the all-too-neatly comprised and decidedly revisionist presentation made me upset (Tom Tom Club, for example, have absolutely no business being on the same disc as Joy Division). Much like the very essence of the Starbucks mission, I resent the whole convenience of it all. Most of this music wasn't meant to be so blithely available, homogenous and convenient. That was kinda the whole point. 

Then again, I'm really uptight about that stuff. In any case, so long, Starbucks! Don't let the door hit hit ya on your way out.