Unmasked

The list of crimes against dignity that the members of Kiss have to answer for is fairly long and distinguished. There was the infamous disco tune (“I Was Made for Loving You,” which I truthfully never really minded). There was that movie. There was Music From ‘The Elder’. There was the whole “we’re talking our make-up off and are officially going to suck from now on” stunt. There was that egregious Pepsi advertisement featuring that irritating, curly-haired fetus. There was that dumb milk ad. There was their embarrassing performance at the 2002 Winter Olympics when they lip-synched on a floating ice island while ice dancers in Kiss make-up frolicked around them. There was the heartlessly mercenary move of allowing Erik Singer and Tommy Thayer to wear the signature make-up of Peter Criss and Ace Frehley, respectively. Like I said, it's a long list.

Somehow, I’ve managed to forgive them all these ridiculous affronts and still count myself as a devout Kiss fan. But nothing -- nothing -- could possibly do more damage to the band’s once-carefully cultivated mystique or possibly be any less rock n’ roll than Gene Simmons televising his freakin' facelift on his appalling 'reality tv' series, Gene Simmons Family Jewels.

It's enough to get me to go AWOL from the Kiss Army for good.