Hall of Lame

I'm not sure if you bothered  staying up through the long-winded speeches or needless and inexplicable snippets of past performances of last night's Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremoy (notably that cringe-worthy "jam" session from `95 featuring Neil Young with the surviving members of Zeppelin, wherein three men who really should've known better attempted to "rock," but ended up giving themselves strenuous hernias), but I tried. I stealthily utilized my "mute" button during Aretha Franklin's shrill, glass-worrying set (sorry, purists -- I've never been a fan), nearly nodded off during Ronnie Spector's endless speech (I don't care if Joey Ramone loved her -- the woman needs an editor) and cringed quietly through Patti Smith's set (as stated before, I'm no fan of Patti's either). I thought Rev. Al Sharpton's tribute to the late James Brown was probably the best delivered speech (the man knows how to project), and the ensuing video montage left little doubt as to why the Godfather of Soul is so rightly revered. The Van Halen induction was the quintessence of anticlimax. Finding only bassist Michael Anthony and erstwhile second-fiddle vocalist, Sammy Hagar (looking frankly ridiculous) in attendance, the long-simmering acrimony between the band's members ended up lending what might've been their triumphant return a taste of bitter defeat. Said defeat was confirmed, highlit and underlined when the ludicrous Velvet Revolver stepped in to take a giant, runny dump all over the VH classic, "Ain't Talkin' Bout Love." It was breathtakingly tragic.

I was never a big fan of Stone Temple Pilots, but perhaps Scott Weiland should get back on the heroin, as his voice (let alone stage presence) was nothing if not entirely grating, embarrassing and ill-suited to the material. The man should be kept away from stages and microphones at all cost. I was so disgusted by this display that I turned it off -- missing Hagar's attempt a "Why Can't This Be Love," let alone R.E.M.'s moment in the limelight -- as a result. I'm sure they'll re-broadcast the snots out of it anyway, so I'm not fussed.

For a more thorough, slightly less snarky and opinionated rundown of last night's proceedings, check out my colleague, James Montgomery's article from this morning.